The Woo Hoos of Portsmouth

Disclaimer:

Tourists are fantastic for our local businesses. I only speak about the drunk tourists that mess up our streets after hours. Cheers!

Stopping into Portsmouth Fabric Company with my mom this past week I mentioned I lived in downtown, possibly too close to the late night drunks. “Oh you mean the Woo Hoos?”, asked the woman behind the cash counter. She continued on to say she too lives in town and calls them Woo Hoos because that’s what she hears at 1am every night like clockwork.
This is an epidemic that spans worldwide but let’s focus on our little town for a second. I watch the AMC series Walking Dead and while the streets of downtown Portsmouth aren’t as dramatic, it does seem almost as ridiculous. What makes a Woo Hoo’er a Woo Hoo’er? The short and simple answer is alcohol. Regardless if it is Bud Light, Jello Shots, Four Loko or a combination, drunks seem to have the urge to yell and scream when on the streets after last call sounds and the 1am bell has rung from the North Church. For such a small town center you would think it would be easy to stop these Woo Hoo’ers from A) Woo Hoo-ing and B) messing our streets up. Perhaps a simple addition of more police could calm the crowds. I understand setting up road blocks is far more important to catch those driving Woo Hoo’ers who decide to get behind the wheel after too many drinks, but I think the residents of the downtown area would appreciate a little more enforcement.
Now I could be missing something while I am asleep. Batman or Johnny Law could indeed be shushing some of the Woo Hoos. I have seen more street fights in town than I used to play on my Super Nintendo that started the same way, an accidental bump into someone who takes it the wrong way and instantly puts his dukes up. Drunks will be drunks, I just hope they (or you) have a designated driver and a friend with a level head (if not one in the same person). For those reading this saying “Oh yea, I did pull the pants off one of the pumpkin scare crows in town” or “You got me, I ‘woo hoo’d’ a few too many times after those shots at The Page”, we forgive you, but respect the downtown area in the future.
My solution? Put ‘em all on the Memorial Bridge and raise it up until everyone is sober. Unsafe? Yup. But I think it would teach a good lesson :). But alas, tourist season is dying down and with any luck, so should the amount of Woo Hooers aka Drunk Tourists, and to that I say Woo Hoo!
Just a little Tuesday rant to start you off on the right foot 🙂
Cheers,
B